Moonrise Madness
by darkmask133
Summary: Largely based off the movie Moonrise Kingdom. After a bet, Jim is in an asylum in the US. He gets a penpal named R who actually catches his attention. The feelings between R and Jim are actually mutual. After his release, they decide to run away. They are pursued by Sherlock and the police as well as Sebastian Moran and other criminals in their attempt to be together. Moriarty/OC.
1. Chapter 1

Jim yawns. Today marks his third week in an asylum. Seb made a bet that Jim couldnt last a day in the nuthouse. Jim snapped back that he could last at least 6 months if he so chose. After several harsh comments, Jim demanded to be comitted. To further prove his point that he could also survive amongst Americans, he picked one in the US and made Seb purchase a cheap flat. Seb is to run things while Jim is away and 'not come whining/begging to Jim when it becomes too much work'. So Jim Moriarty, consulting criminal has been admitted as a pathological liar, and a low level psychopath (even though this is definitely not the case with Moriarty but in case Jim needs early release for some reason).

"Well Jim at least you'll be among your own kind. Have fun" were the last words Sebastian had said to him, patting him on the back before leaving. The smug look on his sniper's face did not go unnoticed and will result in some serious repercussions. But even Moriarty hadnt expected this. He mentally goes through the ever increasing list of cons of this fucking cesspit.

1. What do they mean, he cant wear Westwood? Now he feels like he's at a pajama party full of homeless people.

2. The food sucks BIG TIME. Seb better expect full-time cooking duty and to pay the bill (when they eat out) for this.

3. He has to actually, truly, SIGN OUT TO USE A PEN OR A PENCIL.

4. The people here are all idiots. BORING ORDINARY IDIOTS. It was bad enough when he just had to walk among them but at least he could escape to his flat or bother Sherlock. But to be around them 24/7.

5. It is just boring beyond belief. Even more so than life before here.

6. There is another patient here who is a bit bigger than Jim and is just annoying. He thinks he's all that and has a stare-down with Jim at least once a week. His name is Sam.

7. Most recently, they are making Jim be a penpal to someone. This is supposed to help his recovery and improve his social skills. But its a step from the harmonica lessons they tried to force on him last week. Jim had to use all of his concentration not to shove the harmonica down the instructor's throat and openly announce the instructor's OBVIOUS homosexuality. Then there was also the tamborine. Jim spent the duration wondering whether the jingle parts could be used to slit his own throat or the others around him.

8. Dont even get him started on the therapy sessions.

This goes on. Jim is currently reviewing the list in his head and is nearing the 4th page when he realizes someone is talking to him. Its his therapist. Overweight, obviously diabetic, in the middle of his third-divorce, lowIQ (and he's a doctor?). Jim is sorely tempted to ask him whether his wife was sleeping with a PE teacher or a chemist and is actually considering it when an envelope is placed in front of him. Jim stares at the white envelope then at the therapist.

"Oh I understand if you want to open it in private, Jim. Letters are-" He goes on to ramble about how letter-communication is a rare thing these days, more sensitive than paper, blah blah blah.

_Sebastian Moran Im going to kill you._


	2. Chapter 2

Track: The Thieving Magpie Overture (as used in Reichenbach Fall episode)-Rossini.

Jim lies on his boring twin-sized bed. One measly sheet and flat pillow. He misses his usual king-size bed. Jim has nightmares and often flails,thrashes etc around so the wide expanse of mattress prevents him from falling onto the floor. Plus its just nice. And as for the one sheet, Jim sometimes likes to bury himself under the sheets especially when it gets cold. And since the asylum insists on this incessantly cold temperature, Jim is now always cold. So Jim has a few unexplained bruises from falling on the floor so much as well as slight shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep. He vows that once he gets out of here, he is going to sneak up on Sebastian while he is sleeping and randomly shove him out of bed at 3 in the morning and see how he likes it. But God it is so boring. He wonders if he should go check out a pen and start writing swear words and satanic gibber on the walls. But that would require effort. But that envelope is sitting under the bed where he shoved it. Jim is beginning to feel the curiousity gnaw at him. It would be something to do. But succumbing to the idiocy of this place seems stupid. _But so...booooooring_.

After a full 15 minutes of mental debate, he rolls over, reaching under the bed. It is a stretch, longer than he anticipated, so he inevitably falls off the bed. Jim presses his hands to his forehead and mutters his personal mantra;

"Staying alive, staying alive, staying alive"

He usually reserves the full song for his therapy sessions. Jim scrambles for the letter and rips it open. He is still under the bed and does not quite comprehend the paper. Its full of numbers. Is this some sick joke from Sebastian? Oh God did he tell Sherlock, who is now making fun of him? No Seb isnt _that_ stupid. Jim can already tell its a code. In neat letters above it is;

_I imagine it gets boring in there. I dont know you and if you arent stupid, you can figure this out. No rush.-R_

Jim sits there for a moment. He is not stupid. And he is going to prove it to this person. Not like he has anything better to do.

_Looks like Im going to need that pen after all. _

Jim shuffles out of his room and down the hall, with The Thieving Magpie playing in his head. On another occasion he might whistle the tune. He is walking down the frozen halls he also makes a mental note to change the 'a' in 'Moran' to an 'o'. Sebastian Moron. The thought is slightly amusing. How come he hadnt thought of that before? Well there's one good thing to come out of this. Jim is mentally going through Sebastian's potential reactions to this new nickname when he has bumped into someone. Oh God its that git Sam.

"Where you think you're going Jimmyboy?"

_Jimmyboy...JIMMYBOY!?_

Jim tries not to strangle Sam right here and now. 'Jimmyboy' brings back a lot of unpleasant memories of Jim's school days. Carl Powers. Before Jim murdered him of course.

"That would be none of your business _Sammy_.Now you're in my way" This is in direct violation of Seb's warning: Try not to kill anyone no matter how tempting it is. And DO NOT get into fights.

"Is that so?"

Jim tries to walk around Sam, who moves in front of him. God its recess all over again. Jim ignores the memories threatening to resurface in his head and the catcalling echoes and glares at Sam, straight in the eye.

"Dont you have to go take a shite?" sighs Jim.

"What'd you just say to me?"

"Oh or are you headed to tell them you need a new pair of pants. Are you all out?"

"Huh?"

Sam's hands curl into fists. Jim doesnt care.

"You know diarrhea is a common side effect of medication so nothing to be embarassed about!"

Sam just stares, like an ape in a zoo with people tapping the glass. Jim smiles and walks past him to check out a pen, leaving Sam to ponder the infinite cosmos of what he has said.

He is being asked whether he wants blue or black as a color choice when;

"HEY!"

Sam stomps up to Jim. He stops when he sees the nurse's back turned at the station. Jim is fighting to keep a straightface.

"Fuck you" Sam snaps quietly.

"There's no need to be rude about it sir"

"You're gonna need a lot more than medication by the time we're through, Jimmyboy"

"Is there a problem?" the nurse asks, frowning. Sam is positively furious but must contain it.

"No" he growls before stomping away, giving Jim a murderous look that is about as frightening as a Saw movie. Whilst to others it might be...disturbing, Jim finds it quite pathetic and booooring.

The nurse hands him a black pen.

"Thank you. You are a saint! Saint Catherine!" says Jim, flashing a smile, signing it out.

"My name is Margaret"

"Goodbye Catherine!"

Thieving Magpie ends on its triumphant note and so does Jim as he walks back to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

The letters are short and possibly cut off because thats how it is in the movie and I feel keeping it shorter would be best than just long endless paragraphs.

To Whom It May Concern,

Most seventeen year olds are worrying about prom and boyfriends and not writing to people in mental hospitals. Most. But I get bored. Plus I find things like that fascinating.

Dont write back if you dont want to. Honestly, you look like that man, Moriarty who broke into the Tower of London last year. In that case, you are actually handsome. I remember the news and applaud him for walking. It must have taken a genius to pull that off. If you have deciphered thus far, you might be a genius too for all I know. I find the most talented people wind up in the nuthouse at some point. But you dont seem like a crazy person. To me anyway. I dont know you but it doesnt matter if you're loony or not. My friend, E and parents wont be happy about this. They wouldnt approve of me writing to someone in the loony bin. Well ok they dont know but if they did...Again, no rush.

R

PS. If you havent gotten this far, then sadly you are probably in need of more than medication. I might even suggest shock therapy.

R,

Thank you for the letter. As you can see, I am not a duffer. I am actually here on a bet. It's no picnic but Seb thinks he's better than me. And as for the Tower of London, it was easy-peasy. As for me not being a crazy person, Seb would disagree with you. I almost got into a fight today to check out this pen. It reminded me of my schooldays, very unpleasant. To be honest, you're lucky I was so bored and your letter was ciphered. Otherwise I probably wouldnt have bothered.I was about ready to lose it. So thank you. You have given me something to do in this cesspit. I am stuck for 6 months

-Jim

Jim

Its an honor. Truly. Who is Seb? He sounds like a grumpy father figure. Im sorry you had to go through reliving unpleasantries and almost a fight on account of me. I dont imagine its very nice there. Try to enjoy the little things even when it becomes too much.

R,

Thank you. If Seb was my dad, Id either secede the family or pitch myself off a roof. No. He is my...bodyguard/cook/sniper. He doesnt always understand and yells at me a lot. And dont feel bad. Sam (other patient) had it coming. We didnt fight mind you, nurse came along, but I still won. He's an idiotic git who cant tell his left from his right. I expect I havent seen the last of him. I dont make friends easily.

Jim,

I too dont make friends easily. I try but people just bother me. They can be so stupid and I just cant interact with them. It makes my mother angry that I like books more. Unfortunately, she found my stash of 72 library books last month. I was going to return them. I just hadnt read them yet and didnt bother checking them out. Books not booze.

R

Speaking of hidden books, I am in trouble because I nicked a math book. I am very good at math but geez you'd think I was hiding drugs or something by the way they reacted. Now they watch me even more than usual. Seb wont be pleased. And Im sure your mother just wants you to be happy.

Jim,

Im failing math at the moment. I can do it, its just the quizzes and stuff and I forget the simplest things. It doesnt help when these two girls are obnoxious idiotic bitches and are SO LOUD. My mother doesnt even know I cut myself a few times on purpose freshman year and that sometimes I still have to resist the urge to do it when she says certain things (which is often). But I guess I understand.

R,

Im sorry your mother hurts you but it isnt worth hurting yourself. I get bored alot and that leads me to do certain things even though I know they're wrong. But usually Seb yelling at me is enough to make me . Art is actually slightly amusing doing here. But I think my work disturbs most people or just confuses them. Dont tell anyone. I used to like math and art when I was in school, but the other kids made fun of me. They called me 'faggot'. Speaking of which, one of the instructors here is OBVIOUSLY-

Jim,

I like art too and promise not to tell. I try to filter my feelings into it and not kill the other girls at my table.I fight the urge to kill alot of people. Schoolmates, neighbors, etc. Ill probably end up in a loony bin someday. Btw, here is a picture of me. If you dont want to keep writing after you see it, I understand.

R,

I actually find that picture quite attractive. Thank you.I am in trouble, again, because I blew up a supply closet. Seb yelled at me really loud through the telephone.I got a lot of strange looks (another thing, privacy is a new word they havent learned yet) and had to hold the phone away from my ear. I wont be surprised if I develop hearing problems which would be a real bugger. It wasnt my fault the place is so boring and they stock hand sanitizer like the friggin apocalypse. But I swear I was sleepwalking and cant remember a thing. So it really wasnt my fault. Seb says-

Jim,

I am sure Seb is only trying to look out for you. Although, I would have liked to see that. The explosion not the yelling. I too am in trouble because I finally snapped in church at these two girls. I may or may not have tried to murder one with my own two hands and screamed obscenities. At church, as Im sure you know, this is not acceptable. Well they had it coming since I met them. My mother was VERY upset. I think they are going to try sending me to a therapist. I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE.

R,

Im finding we have a lot more in common. I got into a fight with Sam (about time). I got a black eye but also busted his lip. Seb screamed at me some more. I think I'll dare him to spend some time in this shithole. Here, I painted you an apple. Its blue.

Jim,

Thank you very much for your apple painting. Its actually quite pretty. I wish there were such things as blue apples. My best friend L is a very good artist. Is blue your favorite color?

R,

I think so. What's yours? Oh, another letter name. Does L approve of your preference for the mentally ill (even though technically, Im not...Im not I tell you)?

Jim,

L is the only other one who knows about you. She actually does approve. She's the only one I can tell certain things to. E would not be very happy. I get the feeling she would not approve of you (no offense, its just a guess). School is almost done.

R,

I just remembered Im almost free from this place! We should do something and finally meet. Since we seem to feel the same way about a lot of things, I propose we should-

Jim,

I accept. Absolutely. When and where?


	4. Chapter 4

Seb walks into the kitchen. And is seriously considering going back to bed than face the image in this kitchen. It would be safer than what he wants to do which is burst out laughing. Jim, now a free man, is literally dressed in Boy Scout Troop master gear eating cereal and reading a Boy Scout manual. Its either amusing or just plain frightening.

"Oh good morning Seb!" his voice is the same insane perky as always. But Seb gets the feeling something more is at work here, sniper senses tingling.

"What did you do Jim?" he snaps. Jim feigns a look of innocence almost so convincing that Seb wonders where the halo is. Even though Jim Moriarty is the last person on earth to have one.

"Why I poured myself a bowl of cereal and am eating it. I didnt touch the toaster, just like you said!"

Jim has been banned from all household appliances as any attempt to use one will result in destruction of some sort. Currently he has been waging war against the toaster despite Seb's repeated explanations that you put the butter or other topping on AFTER it pops out. This is the 6th replacement toaster that Seb had been growing attached to in Jim's absence. Thankfully, the sun is shining on it in its familiar place in the counter.

But what about the blender? Seb whips open the bottom cabinet. Spic and span from the last time Seb cleaned it. 4th replacement. Safe and sound.

After a final check on the silverware (not melted or stuck all over the lawn, knives not embedded in the wall or the curtains or anywhere else they shouldnt be, like the neighbor's dog, 12th replacement), he checks to make sure the milk is back in the fridge. Jim sometimes...ok alot of times leaves it out. Seb had been used to the quiet neat order during Jim's absence and is on alert.

"They suggested I volunteer somewhere after. Camping sounded fun!"

Now Seb is truly frightened. How is Jim, who gets lost in the GROCERY STORE and overwhelmed by the dairy aisle, going to survive in the woods? With a bunch of children? Jim hates children.

"Ok seriously did they give you meds or something and you took too many? What did they do to you?"

"Have some faith in me Seb! Im an angel! Blame yourself, it was your idea"

Seb lightly pokes Jim in the arm. Feels like Jim. He takes a whiff. Smells like Jim.

"Nice work on the bombing in Denmark by the way. Only you should have killed the mailman beforehand. Dont get sloppy"

Seb breathes a small sigh of relief. Ok. This is closer to what he is used to. But seriously he even checked for tripwire before he left his room and examined his door thoroughly for any sign that it was rigged. He had been slowly steadying himself for Jim's wrath over the past six months. What happened to the happy little hum and _Westwood Im never leaving you again westy_!

Ok so maybe Jim didnt say that but it is something he might say and there was a happy humming.

"Geez Seb you're acting like Im a bomb about to explode"

Um thats how ANYONE should act around this man. Seb expected something more like the picture sent to him of a amazingly accurate/good drawing of a stick wrapped in barbed wire with a noose hanging over it, three months ago. Signed Love Jim. Wait.

There's a stick, though barbed-wire-free, lying across the table. Any minute now...Jim will wait until Seb's back is turned.

"I have this cool hat too!"

"What...ok seriously what happened to Westwood!? Last night you were practically petting it!"

"Well...there had to be some sacrifice"

SACRIFICE? Jim nearly dropped dead when they told him he couldnt wear Westwood at the hospital and last year when Seb accidentally spilled some maple syrup on it...well lets just say double-vision is not good for a sniper. Jim scared the waitress who poured his coffee with his glare as if daring her to spill it,during a 'business trip' to Ukraine. When Seb ventured to ask why Westwood was so important, he got more Glee than he bargained for. He still has nightmares, musical dream numbers, and sometimes even finds himself humming a tune or wondering whether Rachel and Finn are still together despite Rachel clearly being a shallow selfish bitch. He all but runs from the room when Jim sits down to watch it (another of his bizarre habits). Jim will also rip apart the house to find a misplaced Westwood tie. Seb will have to clean it up after.

"What did you do? Seriously this is creepy, even for you" Seb leans across the table. "Did you break one of my guns?" he asks, menacingly. Dont even get him started on the number of guns. He hasnt had to replace one yet,he always manages to fix whatever Jim breaks and he wants to keep it that way.

"Oh ye of little faith" Seb braces himself as he opens the fridge to get the jam. NOTHING."Hey Seb are there tigers in the woods?"

"Um...no...Not here...Did you break open another zoo?"

"Listen keep asking stupid questions and this stick will be put to unorthodox use. Im merely asking because in case any tigers...or wolves come after us...Be prepared is the motto" Threats. Thats more like it. But JIm knows perfectly well there are no tigers around here.

"Sherlock's in America too" he blurts. Any mention of Sherlock will send Jim into any number of bizarre reactions.

"And his pet Watson?"

"Yep" Jim shrugs and takes another spoonful of cereal.

"OK boss seriously is this part of some plan of yours? I demand to know"

"You only get things by asking nicely!"

_Dont scream. Dont smash the jam jar. Dont scream._ "Jim...is this part of some plan of yours? I would like to know" he says slowly.

"Yes actually. I cant tell you though. Well all's fair in love and war!" Jim pauses. Then bursts out laughing like the madman he is. Forget frightened. Forget terrified, Disturbed is the closest word he can find in the dictionary to match this description. Deranged.

"Very funny Jim...Dont you have to go now?" Jim stops laughing, straight faced once more. He leaves his bowl on the table.

"Oh Sebby old tiger" he chuckles, patting Seb on the head before leaving. Seb stands there in the now empty kitchen, listening as the car rolls away. The jam drops from his hand, shattering on the floor looking more like blood than anything else.


	5. Chapter 5

Track: Moonrise Kingdom Soundtrack 08. The Heroic Weather-Conditions of the Universe, Part 3: The Salt Air

R sits on the rock, looking at the face of her penpal, James "Jim" Moriarty, consulting criminal. For someone who causes so much chaos in the world, he looks awfully adorable in a Scout Master uniform. Especially the hat. An awkward silence ensues.

Jim doesnt know what to make of this long darkhaired person with whom he shared a lot and she with him. He says the first thing he can think of.

"Want a cigarette?"

R blinks in surprise.

"Um sure...Ive never had one before"

"You're seventeen and never smoked?"

R shakes her head and shrugs.

"Never drank,rolled,kissed...Its kind of sad actually..."

Jim puts down the pack of camping gear he pilfered from off his back, along with Seb's prized rifle and sits down next to R. He lights one and hands it to her. R puts it in her mouth and inhales.

Jim is about to warn her about inhaling too fast and too much when R immediately starts coughing and doubles over. Jim pats her on the back.

"H-How do p-people get addicted to this?"

"Well...we can try again later...if you want"

"Sure" wheezes R. She gives a final cough and sits back up. Then notices the warmth from Jim's hand on her back. Jim quickly pulls it away.

"Sorry"

"S'okay...So where are we going again?"

"Ah yes. Well while stuck in that excuse for a hospital-" Jim takes a map out of his front pocket and smoothes it out "-One patient snuck in a movie that wasnt some stupid disney film or made in the 60's. I swear I had to go to the bathroom so many times so I wouldnt break the tv" R giggles.

"I cant remember the name but it was a lot like what we're doing now. These kids run off to a cove and it looked pretty nice there. They had only just arrived when a nurse came in and saw what we were watching. I dont think she was very happy. We're only allowed PG13 with permission"

"That must suck...Is that a real gun?"

Jim looks down at it.

"Oh yeah its Seb's."

"I thought you said he, quote 'hits the roof if you touch one of his guns'"

"He does"

"Does he know you have it?"

"Um...no...I left him a note though"

More silence for a moment. The two shrug and go back to looking at the map.

Meanwhile:

The minute Sebastian steps into his room, he senses something is off. His gun cabinet is slightly open. The only key is in Seb's pocket at all times. Seb claps a hand to his pocket. Its there. So why...oh no. He thought that lock was Jim-proof. But then, is anything?

Seb rips open the door. In the middle of the rest of his guns, where he keeps his best rifle, is a piece of paper. Seb rips it open:

_Dear Seb,_

_I had to borrow this. Hope you dont mind. Besides you have plenty of other guns. Dont see whats so special about this one._

_-Jim_

Seb stands there,the rage slowly beginning to simmer. Building up. A familiar pounding begins. Before eruption can take place; the phone rings, jolting him.

He slowly walks downstairs and picks up the phone.

"Hello?" he says through clenched teeth. Its the Boy Scout people...or whatever. God what has Jim done now? Did he shoot someone? Did he shoot himself?

Seb was listed as a reference, thats why they're calling him...uh uh...yeah...ok...just get to the point...

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE FLEW THE COOP!?"


	6. Chapter 6

Note: E is based on a real life person who is not the greatest fan of Jim (unlike me who is obsessed). Im not sure about using her actual name so I will just use an E or Em...James is a character of my own creation. Just imagine him looking like Nicholas Brody from Homeland/Dick Winters from Band of Brothers. Thats what I imagine him to look like. E has a strange fascination with him.

E grabs her bullhorn and for the 4th time this morning;

"R come and eat these pancakes...James made them from scratch"

Silence. The door remains shut.

R has been staying with E and her mate James as E insisted that R needs some bonding time with 'good things' such (Examples: people, syrup, honey, jam, positive role models, melted cheese, grilled cheese sandwhiches, A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, mac and cheese, soup, juice,people, not getting into fights)

Plus E is hoping that her methods will finally get R to divulge the secret of L's name. L is R's best friend and for reasons unknown/forgotten to E, her name is secret and has never been seen by E or anyone but R. If E hadnt been presented with solid evidence of L's existence, she might have assumed that R is just insane. The long list above is just a fraction of the strange things R has an aversion to.

So far all she knows is that L is a good artist, has a large plethora of musical instruments,enjoys Supernatural, soup and sending coded messages to E. E has long been trying to find out but R refuses to tell her. The last time E tried to follow the mailtruck to L's house (R frequently writes to L), R wouldnt let James in the house for a month and tortured E by strapping her to a chair and forcing a pair of headphones on her blaring the audio book of Fifty Shades of Grey(Crap) when E dared to show her face. R sat on the chair opposite her, with a homemade voodoo doll labeled James. This went on for about 8 hours by which time E really had to use the loo.

Anywaaay, E returns to the kitchen. James is pushing his scrambled eggs around with a fork, a guilty expression on his face.

"Well more for us I guess. Seriously she has to come out sometime. It was 6 months ago! You'd think she'd have forgiven me by now!"

"Um...Em?"

"I mean I said I was sorry! _She's_ the one who overreacted! Fifty Shades too many!"

"Em?"

"Yes honey?"

James gulps and gets up. He takes Emily's hand and leads her down the hall back to R's door. James motions to the doorknob. Emily tries it.

"Its locked..."

He reaches into the pocket of his pajamas and pulls out a safety pin.

"The door has been locked for three days"

The door swings open. A breeze blows through the open window of R's room. Everything is neat and orderly. Then E notices the bookcase. R's copies of the Hunger Games series and Wuthering Heights are gone. E turns to James. James immediately starts pacing and holding his arms out infront of him like a panicked version of the Thriller Dance.

"_Okpleasedontleavemebutyoukno whowRhasalikingforpsychos?Wellshe'sbeenwritingtothisguyinament alwardandIfound a letter inthemailfromsomehospitaland wantedtotellyoubutthenshethr eatenedmeandIsawhowshereacte dlasttimeandIreallywantedtot ellyoubut_

_shegetsreallyscarywhenshe'smadandIdidntwanttogothrough 150shadespleasedontgetmadatm e_!"

James finishes in a rush, heaving, the guilt becoming too much. E pauses, blinking trying to take in this new information.

"James...dear...did you happen to remember the name of this place?"

James nods.

"Tell me everything..."

When Seb has finished breaking every single plate in the cabinet and is considering setting fire to Jim's closet, he takes out the phone instead and dials Jim's cell.

R is sitting on a log in the woods with her back turned. She is waiting for Jim to change out of his scout master uniform and into the Westwood suit he smuggled into his pack. She jumps in surprise when suddenly Staying Alive by the Bee Gees bangs out next to her from the discarded shorts on the log. Jim sighs and walks out from behind the tree, button down shirt half unbuttoned over his white undershirt.

"Sorry" he mutters.

"Nice ringtone" says R.

"Thanks. Oh Sebastian you are getting slow, ten minutes over"

"Are you going to pick it up? Here let me help, you cant do it one handed" R starts buttoning the rest of his shirt up while he lets it go into voice mail

"In case you havent noticed, he tends to swear alot"

"Dont we all?" R fixes his collar as Seb's angry voice scares off the nearby birds.

"Jim I dont know where the fucking fuckity hell you are or why and when I find out...Ok you know what? Even you cant just run off and leave business oh and also IM GOING TO GET MY GUN BACK AND YOU BETTER HOPE TO WHATEVER GOD YOU DO OR DONT BELIEVE IN THAT I DONT FUCKING USE IT ON YOU, YOU LITTLE-" This goes on. Jim shrugs.

"Please hand me that trowel" asks Jim. R hands it to him, at first thinking he is going to murder the phone with it. But instead he starts digging a small hole. First he shoves the scout master uniform in with particular disdain.

"Good riddance"

"I thought you looked rather adorable in it"

"Somethings are best left unsaid"

"Tell that to Seb. Is he still going at it?"

"Oh yeah its not the first time he's overreacted"

Jim drops the phone in it, which has now begun more colorful streams of expletives.

"I thought you said he wasnt very creative"

"He's not...only when it comes to swearing, he can be quite imaginative" Jim hesitates when he picks up the Scout Master's hat.

"You know what? Im keeping the hat" He puts it on, an odd contrast to the dark blue and white of his Westwood and continues to fill in the hole. The dirt muffles Seb's ire until its barely audible.

"Well looks like we're going to have to try our luck at fishing seeing as Seb has scared off any nearby game. Im good at skinning"

"You know how to hunt?"

"Cant imagine there's any secret to it, I mean Ive seen Seb shoot people and how different are they really? Plus I happen to be good at fishing. Only my skills are a bit rusty"

"I cant imagine assasinations leave room for relaxing"


	7. Chapter 7

James is peeling a kiwi fruit while E paces back and forth.

"Want some kiwi?" he asks.

"Not now James!"

"Why are you pacing? I thought we were going to find R"

"We are. But we cant do it on our own"

"So what are we doing now?"

"Waiting"

"For what?"

"A reply"

Honestly, this is not how Sherlock imagined to be spending his summer. When John roped him into the contemptible dullness known as 'vacation', he failed to mention a few things:

1. They would be in America, participating in the tedious loathsome activity of 'sight-seeing'.

2. Anderson and Lestrade would be tagging along

3. He wouldnt have a choice in the matter.

So he is perusing his laptop, trying to find a case to look forward to solving when/if he makes it out of this alive.

_Sherlock,_

_Word has it, you are in the US.I have reason to believe my friend has run off with a maniac. The only clue is on her calendar, 'Meet Jim'. I found it under the bed. Please help._

_E..._

'Jim'...This would explain his archrival's period of silence. Usually he sends strange coded messages or texts to keep Sherlock on his toes. Maybe a month isnt odd. But six months is. Then Sherlock's phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Is this Sherlock Holmes?" comes a gruff voice.

"Yes?" asks a confused Sherlock.

"Would you like to tell me if this is some stupid game you two are playing?"

"I dont follow"

"Where is he? I want to know and I want to know now!"

"Who? Jim? Jim Moriarty?"

"Oh hell. You know what? Just forget it skinny bloke I dont even know why I called you"

Sebastian Moran hangs up. Sherlock feels more energized than he has in days. He shakes John awake.

"John!"

"Mmm wha? Sherlock? Izzat you?"

"No its Anderson, come on we have to go!"

"Why? Did you blow up another vending machine?"

"Forget vending machines. I think it's Moriarty!"

"Oh...no...God no cant we have a vacation? What has he done this time?! You know what, forget it, we're on vacation, I said to leave the bloody laptop home!"

"Oh you caring lark!" says Sherlock sarcastically as John rolls over. Sherlock goes to rouse Lestrade and kick Anderson. This is certainly a change from Sherlock's previous sulking.

He types a response.

_Will be there soon. Sounds promising. As soon as I can drag the rest of my...people out of bed -SH_


	8. Chapter 8

"So we've got all the camping gear I nicked in the inventory...What about you?" R opens her school bag. The Hunger Games trilogy, The Night Circus and Wuthering Heights. "I couldnt bring all my favorites and Harry Potter is too much to carry around"  
"That was the only good book on the shelves back there. A bit mistreated, probably donated. But none of the other patients would go for them. I was just about to try to fourth one when some religious pyromaniac fanatic set them on fire" Jim says ruefully. "I told you about that"

"Some people..."

"Yeah" Jim sighs "What's that one?"

R has a somewhat sad look on her face as she pulls out a black and yellow book titled "Mean Girls: Facing Your Beauty Turned Beast"

Jim flips it over to read the back then looks at R.

"I found it in my mom's room..." She is looking steadily sadder. Jim is mentally scrambling on how to make her feel better. Jim has usually never had to mentally scramble for anything. He is still mentally scrambling when;

"I'll be back in a few minutes" R gets up and goes to lie down in the tent Jim managed to set up. Unsure of what to do;

"Ill...um...make a fire"

Jim suddenly feels a strange surge of anger due to R's sudden saddened mood. He looks at the book with renewed (and quite unexpected) hatred and grabs his cigarette lighter.

About 10 minutes later, after he follows the soup making directions VERY carefully with one of the many pilfered Campbells chicken noodle soup cans, Jim decides to check on R. She is lying down in a fetal position with the blanket over her. Jim awkwardly creeps under the covers.

"Hello" he says quietly.

R blinks in response, still trying to conquer the feeling of constriction in her throat.

"If it makes you feel any better, you look much better than the girl on the cover"

R's mouth twitches upward.

"People...just dont know...and they dont want to look stupid...so they jump to conclusions but end up looking stupider in the process"

R's throat loosens a little. Jim reaches into his pocket and hands her a tissue.

"Thanks" R finds it a bit easier to talk now. Jim hesitates before pushing a stray piece of hair from her face. "I...um...I brought you something"

Jim lifts his head a little in suprise. R reaches into the other smaller bag she had with her between them and pulls out a slightly worn paperback of The Goblet of Fire.

Now Jim is finding it hard to find the words. Then a strange smell creeps through the tent.

"Shit!" he scrambles up from their blanket cover and manages to save the soup just in time. "Phew...Well looks like that book was good for something!"

The smile that Jim was beginning to sincerely miss is back on R's face. The soup is slightly burned but to Jim, it has never tasted better. He hardly even notices. Whilst enjoying the soup, R has the sudden feeling she has forgotten something.

E is sitting in the midst of R's room as if some magical sense of understanding will come to her if she sits long enough. It doesnt. So she stands but doesnt miss the creak. E brings her foot down on the floor again. Another creak. E looks down. It seems her foot rests on a loose floorboard. Not even the burning smell of James's 67th attempt at a souffle distracts her from prying it up and retrieving a small stack of letters. Addressed to R from...at this moment E's glasses fall off her nose. She huffs, grabs them, and slams them back with renewed vigour. Meanwhile James is attempting to save his souffle. It is the only thing he cannot make.

The thought of victory is quickening E's breathing and threatening to shake her fingertips. At long last, is L's address. At last, this mystery can come to an end. She hastily shakes what appears to be the most recent letter free from its blue envelope.

_Dear R,_

_I would be happy to guard your letters from Jim! I will put them in my drawer. Its locked and no one knows who I am or where I live so your secret is safe with me! Plus there's a false bottom! I am smart!_

_Love Always, L_

_P.S. Has James still not managed to make a soufle?! That man is strange..._

E starts to chuckle for quite some time. It is only the sound of James' using a fire extinguisher that prevents it from becoming full blown laughing.

After all that time of R's cryptic remarks, L's random coded messages, and just overall frustration, R has FINALLY slipped up.

"James!" she calls "Ready the car! And use the harness without bells!"

Why on earth E is using this quote is anyone's guess. Maybe she has been reading too much Narnia.

E takes a deep breath as she steps into the room of L's domain. Manga and art supplies litter the floor. She steps to the desk, the key hanging out of the lock.

"So much for a great detective. She left the key in the lock!" E says smugly. James is a little frightened by E's enthusiasm and the fact that she made him pick the lock on L's door but stays quiet.

"So this is our little friend's domain?"

"Well R was right about the strange rug" says James. E turns the lock, the victory is almost tangible on her tongue. She opens it. If it wasnt for L's trust in R, E might just walk away dejectedly after staring at the empty drawer.

"Even the best laid plans of mice and men can go awry!" With that, E yanks the drawer from its hold as it suddenly bursts into flames.

"WHAT!?"

James manages to put out the fire and remove the plastic wrapped letters, a bit singed but otherwise unharmed. A close call. Then suddenly the phone rings. The standard beep. Then;

"Did you really think I would be that simple Em? I assure you I did not earn just my title as L from the manga Death Note! You can borrow volume one. You may have gotten the letters depending on your firefighting skills-"

E is seething with slow rage.

"Now I suggest you leave. I am in Florida at the moment and trespassing _is_ a federal crime. Im sure you know. The letters are also encrypted so it could take quite some time. It seems Jim shares R's love of puzzles, like me! I would rather the letters have gone in smoke but you know what they say! The best laid plans of mice and men can go awry!Have a nice day!"

E stands there for a minute.

"At least we got the letters!" says James, in an attempt to look at the bright side. Whilst, that is a good thing, E just slowly returns to the car. She doesnt want to talk about it.


End file.
